The maid of honor just puked.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
