how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
