Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
