Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
