Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight

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(858): View more from California

Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'

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(753): View more from

He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.

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(801): View more from Utah

She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town

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(435): View more from Utah

she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?

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(817): View more from Texas

I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.

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(512): View more from Texas

I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif

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