Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Come see our sink grown plant.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face