Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in