ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
