My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.