You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
