yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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