Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
