Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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