at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
