im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
