I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
