you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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