I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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