i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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