No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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