She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
