I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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