Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
