He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
