Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
