My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
