At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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