There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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