Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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