So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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