What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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