if i can run in heels then i can drive
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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