I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
