Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
