then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
