My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize