This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
