Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
