Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
