I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
