Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
