I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
