my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
