i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
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He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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