Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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