cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
