So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
