ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
