he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
