...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
