Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
