i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I just sharted jello shots
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
