Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
