sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
FUCK WHALES
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
