Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
