How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
