I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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