I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
