He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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