Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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