Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
