youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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