you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize