I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
