If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
