just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
