I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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