I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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