OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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