I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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