So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
