I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
