think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When are your genitals available?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
